The little ways our soul slips away

and how we bring it back

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I experienced soul loss from an episode of BayWatch.

Not sure what I mean by soul loss? This article explains.

I know, I know — this sounds kind of like a ridiculous exaggeration.

Soul loss happens from trauma, not cheesy TV, right?

Yes, soul loss usually happens in response to trauma. But we need to be aware that what might be totally manageable for one person could feel extremely traumatic to another. 

When I was in my single digits, I remember seeing a scene in some random episode of BayWatch where two kids were playing in an abandoned pool and one drowned and died. I wasn’t watching a full BayWatch episode or anything…I think I just happened to walk in to ask my parents a question at that moment in the show.

I really couldn’t say why seeing this small clip sent part of my soul essence away. Maybe it triggered something in the fragility of being a child. Maybe I drowned in a past life. Maybe I’ve always just been a super sensitive soul, and viewing this silly scene somehow fractured my faith in the goodness of life. 

Whatever the cause, I know soul loss occurred. I didn’t have the language for this until I began studying shamanism more formally in my teens, but as soon as I learned about the phenomena of soul loss, this was the scene from my past that immediately came to mind. 

I’m curious if any strange memories come to the surface when you hear the term “soul loss”… 

Sensitive Souls As Children

Children are both amazingly resilient yet very sensitive in ways most adults have lost touch with. Have you experienced any of the following?

Maybe a kid at school said one random, mean comment and you still get a gunky, shivery, shameful feeling whenever you think about it — even though on the surface, it was a tiny moment and not even intentionally hurtful on their part. 

Maybe an authority figure told you something about yourself that your soul knew wasn’t true. Then, because of the weight of the messaging and power dynamics at play, you experienced a fracturing. 

Maybe something normal but sad happened, and you didn’t receive support around processing this in a healthy way  — a friend got hurt, a pet passed away, you didn’t get the same opportunity as other kids.

Maybe a boundary was crossed, and it shook your faith in those around you. And I’m not even talking about the big boundaries here. It could be as simple as your parents giving away a favorite toy without asking your permission.

Many children might be totally fine with any of these events (and are totally fine in the face of much worse). Yet many children are so open and highly sensitive — and small affronts, especially without proper support and integration from the parents, can hit on a very deep level.

Subtle Fractures in Young Adulthood

The little ways our souls seem to slip away continue as we grow and mature. 

Most people have experienced some form of soul loss, which can contribute to acting in ways that create harm (this isn’t to make excuses or justify anything — just naming the fact that it’s really painful to grow up in a soulless world). It’s a cycle in which soul loss begets more soul loss.

As we grow older, we must navigate hormonal changes, rights of passage, conflicting and confusing messaging, heartbreak, and more. Without the wise elders and compassionate communities that for millennia would have helped us integrate these normal life experiences, our souls may suffer.

The changes we undergo around puberty seem to be especially challenging in our modern culture, regardless of gender — almost every shamanic client I’ve worked with has benefited from a soul retrieval that dates back to teen years.

In my work with clients, I’ve also seen two patterns of subtle soul loss that affect many women especially. 

The first seems to occur over time. As women become mothers, their identities naturally shift in healthy ways. Between total exhaustion and societal pressure, many women gradually turn off the erotic, sensual part of their nature. This is often meant to be temporary — a reflection of shifting priorities. Yet, what I see again and again is that years down the line, this part hasn’t returned. In essence, a key soul part is missing, and feelings of a lackluster, less vibrant, and low pleasure life result.

The second occurs mostly in young women as they explore the world of dating. This one isn’t as universal, but it’s common enough that I think it’s worth mentioning. These women lose their soul essence to their lovers. 

Sometimes, they have given away part of themselves. Women are subtly trained in many beliefs that lead to this unconscious giving away: their worth lies in the reactions of men, they are nurturers and need to fix these men, they don’t deserve to be their full selves…

But sometimes, the woman’s essence is stolen. The men in these relationships have experienced their own soul loss, and when they see the light of these women, they want it. Unconsciously, a man can take light from a woman via soul theft. 

The effects of this can have a few unfortunate outcomes. One, once the man has this soul light, he loses interest in the woman. He has what he needs, so to speak. Then, while he moves on, the woman is left pining over this man — but it’s not actually the man she misses. It’s her soul part. The other effect is that the relationship actually does continue, but in a heavily enmeshed and unhealthy way.

Note: This is some heavily cis language, amiright? Soul loss and soul theft can of course occur in all genders in all directions. This is just what I’ve seen the most of in my own professional practice. Have more examples from other genders? Please share in the comments!

Anything Lost Can Always Be Found

I share all of these examples because none of them are the big traumas we often associate with soul loss.

These are little, gradual, normalized events that hurt the pure souls we were born with. 

It’s okay to be sensitive! It’s okay to feel things deeply, to experience the normal operations of our modern world as just a bit traumatic. 

The beauty of acknowledging this is that we can heal. 

Soul retrieval doesn’t replace the efforts required to heal our communities, our planet, and our families. It doesn’t replace therapy and inner work, restorative justice, or any other pieces of our healing puzzle. 

It does provide healing on a spiritual level, which in turn can catalyze changes in this reality and make our other endeavors more effective. 

And it does remind us that magic is real. I have seen truly miraculous shifts in people from soul retrieval alone, outside of any other therapeutic efforts. 

When I discovered soul retrieval and saw that BayWatch scene in my mind’s eye, I was only 17, but I was also old enough and mature enough to know that there was absolutely no threat to the little soul part that fled. I called her home with my heart and promise of safety, and she returned. 

Soul fragmentation is normal, and healing is possible.

Discover the Art & Practice of Becoming Whole This September

I believe that everyone can benefit from learning the shamanic art of soul retrieval. I teach this practice in a non-culturally specific way, allowing space for you to directly commune with your own spirit guides so you can practice in integrity and with authenticity.

I also teach this spiritual art with a deep understanding of the Western mind. We explore the intersections of spiritual soul loss with psychological wholeness, investigating the nuances of healing.

And I teach soul retrieval with a deep grounding in ethics. In understanding the subtle power dynamics at play in one-on-one healer-client relationships — and I share actual techniques to help you stay in integrity as you do this work, intentionally and skillfully.

Plus…we commune with the Earth. What is the Earth’s role in restoring wholeness for humanity, and what is humanity’s role in restoring wholness to the Earth?

I know that these skills are needed at this time, so you can still save up to $150 on the course tuition. Apply here.

If you’re not sure that you’d meet the prerequisits for this intensive course, you can take the intro class for as little as $100 (a savings of $275) when you register today. Learn more here.